In Norway, we have made early kindergarten the norm. The one-year-old is delivered, the parents go back to work, and society nods approvingly: This is how we do it here. It is efficient. It is expected. It is equal. But it is time to ask a question that has almost become taboo: Is it necessarily the best thing for the youngest children? KrFU leader Ingrid Olina Hovland, shows strength and courage, challenging the Norwegian model on the child's terms. She deserves support.
Norway is proud of its kindergarten model, and it has many strengths; high quality, educated staff and an inclusive value base. Nevertheless, there is a question; Have we moved from seeing kindergarten as an offer, to making it a norm? When almost all one-year-olds go to kindergarten, it becomes more difficult to choose differently. The paradox is that while we want to respect diversity and individual choices, it can be experienced as less acceptance for precisely the choice that puts time with young children at the center.
The American psychoanalyst and family therapist Erica Komisar has sparked debate by arguing that children should not start full-day kindergarten until they are around three years old. Her argument is not about morality, but about developmental psychology. The first years of life are crucial for a child's emotional development. Young children need stable attachment, closeness, and emotional availability from their primary caregivers. The brain is shaped in relationships.
This is not an argument against kindergartens. Norwegian kindergartens are consistently safe and competent. Many children thrive, and many families have good experiences. But Komisar challenges a deeper notion: the idea that early separation from parents is unproblematic as long as the quality of the service is good enough.
In Norway, there is rarely a discussion about whether one-year-olds actually need long days away from their loved ones. The debate is more often about how many staff there should be per child, or how quickly you can find a place. We have largely skipped the question of what young children really need most. I would call it a social experiment that is breaking down.
This is not a criticism of parents. Quite the opposite. Most people do what they feel is necessary and right. Many have financial constraints that make long leave difficult. Others love their jobs. Some children flourish in daycare. Many parents have also never heard that there is research that questions early and extensive separation. That is precisely why we need a new conversation. Because today, freedom of choice is more limited than we like to believe.
Try to turn the situation around: A family chooses for one parent to stay home with the child until they are three years old. The reactions come quickly. “Aren’t you going to use your education?” “Won’t it be lonely?” “What about your career?” Suddenly prioritizing time with young children is portrayed as a deviation. As if caregiving is a side project. I’ve been there myself; when I chose to stay home with our children, without using the daycare service, it was noticeable that I was doing something wrong. No parent should have to feel old-fashioned and unambitious because they want to be more present for their child in the first years of life.
It's strange, because we know that the first few years are unique. No parent gets them back. That doesn't mean everyone should do the same. Families are different. Life situations are different. But a healthy society makes room for more good choices. A healthy society doesn't just encourage a quick return to work. It also encourages those who want to stay home a little longer.
Maybe we need a change in attitude. Not away from daycare. Not against working parents. But away from the idea that time with our own young children is an obstacle that must be overcome as quickly as possible. If we truly believe that children are our most important resource, perhaps we should start treating the early years as the most valuable thing we have. Not as a logistical problem to be solved.
Let the little children come to me, said Jesus. This points to an important insight: Children are not projects to be optimized, but lives to be met with presence. Or as Erica Komisar says: Children are not an obstacle to important work, they are the important work!
